By Kenneth J. Theisen
On September 20, 2006 at the U.N., Venezuelan President Hugo
Chavez referred to President George W. Bush as an imperialist devil. In the words of Chavez, “As a spokesman
of imperialism, [Bush] came to [the U.N] to share his nostrums, to try to
preserve the current pattern of domination, exploitation and pillage of the
peoples of the world.”
While this is certainly true, I want to set the record
straight as to whether Bush is actually the devil. I recently came into possession of wire taps
leaked by inside sources from the Devil’s World Security Agency. These tapes show that Bush is not the devil,
but that he recently tried to cut a deal with the devil. The transcript of the tape reads as follows:
Devil: Hello, what
can I do for you?Bush: Hi, this is the
President of the U.S. I have been doing your work for many years
here on earth and now I have a favor to ask.Devil: How did you
get my direct line?Bush: Cheney gave it
to me. He said you would not mind. He
says he calls you all the time.Devil: Oh Dick! I thought that maybe Karl Rove had given it
to you. Ok, what is the favor you
want? I guess I owe you something after
all these years of dedication on your part to my work.Bush: Well as you
probably know, I have not been so popular lately and I am having a problem
fooling the people of the world now.
Some of my projects have been having problems too. You know Dick told me that those people in Iraq would toss
flowers at my troops back in 2003. But
all we seem to get thrown at us is rocks and explosives. Even Afghanistan which I thought was all
wrapped up is now exploding in our face. And here at home, people keep
reminding the public about New Orleans
and Katrina, my spy agencies, torture, increasing destruction of civil rights,
etc. Some nights I can hardly sleep with
all my problems.Devil: So why are you
calling me now?Bush: Well you see we
have this upcoming attack on Iran
planned. And if people do not believe
me, I may not be able to convince them that we are only doing it to bring
liberty to the Iranians and in order to prevent those Mullahs from getting WMDs
that they will then turn over to their terrorist allies. I do not understand as that lie worked so
well with Iraq. I even got most of the Democratic leaders to
sign on to that invasion. What am I
doing wrong now? I am following the same
game plan as last time. But it seems that most people can now tell that I am
lying.Devil: Well as you
know George you can’t fool all of the people, all of the time. And I just do
not give out favors for no reason, what do you have to trade?Bush: Well Karl,
Dick, Rummy, and the others suggested that I trade my soul to you for some
credibility with the people of the world.
They all said that when they traded their souls to you that you gave
them a good deal. So I am offering my
soul to you.Devil: I have to tell
you that your soul has no value to me George.
You have had a long standing reservation down here. I already have your soul. I am afraid you are
on your own George. Besides giving you credibility is even beyond my
power. The only people that may believe
you now are some of those Christian fascists whose souls I also own.Bush: Well then to
hell with you!Devil: No George, to
hell with you.
This parody from worldcantwait.org.