By Kenneth J. Theisen,
9/17/06
Recently President Bush was interviewed by Rapture
Daily. Here are a few of the
questions and answers.
Q: I understand that
God often communicates with you? Is this
true?
A: Yes it is my
son. He often reaches me in my
dreams. For instance, last night I had a
dream where the former Shah of Iran appeared to me. He informed me that God wants me to launch an
attack to bring freedom and democracy to the people of Iran just like we have done in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Q: When do you plan
on attacking?
A: Well fortunately
Rummy and the fellows over at the Pentagon have been planning for this invasion
for some time now. I guess God talks to
Don too. And Dick tells me the attack can be launched at any time now. Of course we have to prepare the American
public by generating some stories connecting Iran to 9/11 and terrorism in
general. Dick is also keeping the pressure on the boys over at CIA working to make
up, I mean develop intelligence that confirms that Iran is near to having a nuke. They are looking for that guy codenamed
“Curveball” to help us out too. He was
very useful in the buildup to the attack on Iraq. But as soon as God gives me the word, we are
ready to go.
Q: Has God made any
other important revelations to you lately?
A: Yes. God has told me to smite my enemies. We will soon award some more contracts to Halliburton
subsidiary KBR to build more concentration, I mean detention camps. They did so well with the $385 million
contract we gave them earlier this year to build immigrant emergency detention
camps that Dick thought it was only fair to give them another $5 billion to
build camps for my enemies.
Q: Who will you put
in these camps?
A: As you know, we
have repeatedly warned folks that they are either with us or with the
terrorists. They should have listened. So we have decided to put only those
al-Qaeda types who are against us in the camps.
Lists are being composed right now based on our monitoring of phone
calls, e-mails, library records, videos rented, organizations joined, your
ethnicity, you know things like that. The NSA guys tell me the lists are quite
massive. I would like to put that
snippety judge who made the remark about “hereditary kings” when she ruled
against the NSA wiretap program in the camps, but some of my advisors say it
may look bad at this time. We are also
creating a toll free number so enemies of the state can be reported.
Q: Do you anticipate
any more revelations from God that I can report to my readers at this time?
A: Well as you know
he has been communicating regularly with me ever since he told me I should be
president. I expect that I may soon hear
from him about Syria and North Korea. I also recently had a dream where God told me
that two terms as president may not be enough to do his work. So I think he may tell me what to do about
that soon too.
This satire from worldcantwait.org