The Origin of Palin: Holy Shit!

By Malcolm Shore 

Sarah Palin is fucking nuts.  

She is not, as she offered in her September
3 RNC speech, “just your average hockey mom.”   She is
not, as a September 9 L.A. Times headline suggested, a “rock star.”  
She is not, as Roger Ebert opined on September 10, the “American Idol
candidate.”   

No, Sarah Palin is fucking nuts. 

Now we all know that if you”re gonna
make a statement like that, you”d better back it up quickly. So I”ll
get right to the point. If Palin’s sanity were on trial, there is
a goldmine of evidence that could convict it. Just to give a few quick
examples: In 2006, she asserted that if her own daughter were raped
and got pregnant, she would tell her daughter to bear the child rather
than have an abortion.¹  In June, she prayed that
the U.S. occupation of Iraq will unfold according to “God’s Plan.”²
She advocates teaching creationism in public schools. She has threatened
to attack Russia. She denies that global warming is caused by humans.

And-no gloomy pun intended off the
previous sentence- this is just the tip of the iceberg. The point
is, there are many different avenues one could walk down that quickly
lead to the conclusion that Palin is an extremely dangerous nutcase. 
But what I want to focus on here is the institution where many of Palin’s
most terrifying ideals were spawned and nurtured. An institution where
she was baptized and came of age. An institution of which she was, until
2002, a member: The Assemblies of God Church.  

There are three basic reasons why I believe
that, in seeking to expose the overall lunacy of Sarah Palin, it is
appropriate and necessary to emphasize the teachings of Assemblies of
God. 

First, while Palin’s own insane statements,
such as the ones referenced above, have received some
attention in the mainstream press-though nowhere near the level of
emphasis they merit-the extremist positions of her church have received
comparatively little exploration outside of outlets like Daily Kos and
Huffington Post; perhaps her connections to Assemblies of God have been
reported in the mainstream press, but the actual core beliefs of that
church have not been examined in depth.  

Second, it’s not as though Assemblies
of God is some tiny club of religious fanatics that meets once a month
over pie and coffee. According to the church’s Web site (www.ag.org) it is the largest Pentecostal church in the
world, with more than 52 million members, including roughly 3 million
in the United States. One of those members is former Attorney General
John Ashcroft.  So Palin’s status as a literal and figurative
child of this church helps clarify that she is not merely an individual
religious lunatic who happened to capture the political spotlight. Rather,
she is firmly situated within a powerful movement
that-because it advocates a violent and strictly repressive world
order centered on a literal interpretation of the Bible-can properly
be classified as Christian fascist.  

Third, although Palin left Wasilla Assemblies
of God in 2002 for Wasilla Bible Church, her ties to the former remain
very strong and she has made it clear she still feels very fondly towards
the church. And the feeling is mutual. On August 30, 2008-one day
after Palin was named McCain’s vice-presidential candidate-Wasilla
Assemblies of God released a statement clarifying its relationship with
Palin: “Governor
Sarah Palin did attend Wasilla Assembly of God since the time she was
a teen- ager,” the statement read.
“She and her family were a part of the church up until 2002.  Since
that time she has maintained a friendship with Wasilla Assembly of God
and has attended various conferences and
special meetings here.” [emphasis added]³ 

When Palin was sworn in as Governor of
Alaska in 2006, the founding pastor of Wasilla Assemblies of God, Paul
Riley, read the invocation. Palin later named a street after Riley 

Furthermore, Palin still attends
an Assembly of God church when she is in the Alaskan State Capitol. 
On September 4, the Associated Press noted: “When she is in Juneau,
she sometimes worships at Juneau Christian Center, which is also an
Assemblies of God church, said Brad Kesler of the Alaska District of
the Assemblies of God.” ⁴ 

In June 2008, Palin addressed graduates
of a youth ministry at Wasilla Assemblies of God, and began by remarking:
“It was so cool growing up in this church. And getting saved here.” 
A bit later, she added, “I want to tell the master’s commission
students, just be amazed [at] the umbrella of this church here, where
God is going to send you from this church. Believe me; I know what I’m
saying.”  

Oh, she knew what she was saying all
right. And thanks to the internet age, it doesn’t take much time or
effort for us to figure out what she was saying. So let’s dig into
the doctrines of Assemblies of God. But before we begin, I should emphasize
that there is-for lack of a better way to phrase it-a lot of crazy
shit that I cannot even touch upon here, due to time and space constraints. 
For that reason, I strongly encourage readers to visit the church’s
Web site themselves in order to peruse the institution’s “fundamental
truths,”  core doctrines, position papers, and articles organized
by topic.  

Lake of Fire 

With that said, let’s begin our journey
to the depths of insanity.  We commence with the following passage
from one of Assemblies of God’s position papers, entitled-pleasantly
enough-“Eternal Punishment”:  

Those who share Satan’s doom are
further referred to as the “wicked.”(Matthew 13: 49,50). This is
a general term for all who are actively evil and worthless.  They
include the cowardly (cowardly because of lack of faith),
the unbelieving, the vile (the disgusting, detestable), murderers, sexually
immoral, those who practice magic arts (those who use enchantments,
harmful drugs), idolaters, and all liars (Revelation 21:8).” 
[Emphasis added]⁵ 

Let’s stop there for a moment and assess. 
So far, we”ve figured out that those who have ever used drugs or told
a lie are among “the wicked” condemned to “share Satan’s doom.”
The same goes for those who are “sexually immoral,” a classification
which–as anyone who has read the Bible, or listened to Evangelicals
speak, knows-supposedly includes those who have an extramarital affair,
those who are monogamous but who have sex before marriage,  and
homosexuals. We”ll come back to that point in a minute. Also included
among the “wicked” is anyone who is not
a Christian, unless someone wants to argue that by speaking of the
“unbelieving,” Assemblies of God means to say it does not matter
if one believes in the Christian God as long as he or she believes
in some higher power. Even based on that dubious interpretation,
all persons who are non-religious are classified as “wicked.”  

So what happens to these “wicked”
forces?  The answer is that they shall burn in an eternal fire. 
For those who wonder what that would look and feel like, Assemblies
of God is happy to spell it out very graphically for us.  

This fire is not only to be eternal,
but is also said to be of such a nature that it can never be quenched
(Mark 9:43). This clearly indicates that there can be no possible end
to the fire or the punishment. The punishment is as eternal as the fire.
If the fire brought an annihilation of the wicked, there would be no
reason for the fire being eternal. Jesus also referred to the same fire
as a “fiery furnace” (Matthew 13:42,50) where there will be terrible
remorse shown by weeping and gnashing of teeth.⁶ 

The church’s position paper on “Eternal
Punishment” was adopted in 1976. The views put forth therein are expressed
in condensed form in the 15^th of Assemblies of God’s 16
“Fundamental Truths,” which states:  

“WE BELIEVE…A Final Judgment Will Take
Place for those who
have rejected Christ. They will be judged for their sin and consigned
to eternal punishment in a punishing lake of fire.”⁷ 

So, to review so far: According to the
official doctrines of Assemblies of God, homosexuals, adulterers, those
who have premarital sex, non-Christians, liars, and drugs users-among
others- will burn in eternal fire, weeping and gnashing their teeth
until the end of time.  

Along similar lines, Assemblies of God
is also a fierce proponent of the Rapture Theory.  This, in short,
is the doctrine that Jesus Christ will soon return to earth, dividing
the world into two groups: those who choose to follow him to the kingdom
of heaven, and those who will refuse Jesus and be condemned to unbearable
eternal suffering.  Thankfully-and I use that word as sarcastically
as possible-the church has given us a position paper on the Rapture
theory as well, in order to clarify its belief.  

In 1 Thessaloians 5, following the
passage on the Rapture in chapter 4, Paul taught about the Day of the
Lord. He warned of the destruction it will bring to the wicked (vv.
2, 3) . He was quick to assure Christians that those who abide in Christ
will not be overtaken by it.⁸  

Phew!  I don’t know about you,
but I feel relieved.  All you have to do is believe in Jesus Christ,
and you will be spared endless unbearable misery.  

Sarah,
can I get a witness? “It was so cool growing up in this
church. And getting saved here.” 

Homosexuals As Scapegoats for Societal
Decline 

Now, let’s return to Assemblies of
God’s positions on “sexual immorality.”  Those who have paid
even scant attention to the religious right the last few decades will
guess that the church declares gay marriage-and homosexuality in general-
to be reprehensible in the eyes of God.  Sure enough, the church’s
position paper on homosexuality repeats, over and over again, that the
Bible leaves no doubt as to whether being gay is a sin.  

But that isn’t even the half of it. 
In that same position paper, Assemblies of God speaks of homosexuality
not merely as an individual sin, and not only as a sin against
God-positions which would be plenty despicable and frightening enough-but
as a threat to what the church views as the very foundations of society:

We believe, in the light of Biblical
revelation, that the growing cultural acceptance of homosexual identity
and behavior, male and female, is symptomatic of a broader spiritual
disorder that threatens the family, the government, and the church.⁹  

We know well how Palin and other Evangelicals
feel about the family, the government, and the church-and about those
who oppose them.  And if we needed a reminder, all that was necessary
was to watch the Republican National Convention.  So we don’t
have to imagine where the viewpoint that homosexuals “threaten”
these institutions leads.  

Sarah,
let me hear it loud and clear now! “It was so cool
growing up in this church. And getting saved here.” 

God’s Creation and Control of
Human Beings  

A few years ago, Comedy Central aired
an episode of South Park that ridiculed Scientology. As that
episode portrayed the core doctrines of the religion, a disclaimer flashed
across the television screen: “This is what Scientologists actually
believe.”  

I feel a similar warning is in order
before discussing Assemblies of God’s views on human origins: The
following is what Assemblies of God actually believes”  

The Bible, of course, teaches that God
created the entire earth in six days, formed man from dust, and formed
woman from the rib of man.  Critical thinkers among the Christians
view this account as a story, and, as they do with the Bible
in general, seek to draw upon and apply lessons from that story to modern
society. I will leave for another column a discussion of the merits-
or dangers- of such an endeavor. The point here is that, for Assemblies
of God, the creation of the earth in six days, God’s formation of
man from dust, and the creation of woman from the rib of man, is
not a story or an idea; it is absolute Truth which cannot and must
not be questioned.  

“The account of creation is intended
to be taken as factual and historical,” states the church’s position
paper on creation. ¹⁰ 

And for those who would- or have-
argued that nobody is actually so naive as to insist on taking the story
of Genesis literally, here’s a helpful clarification from another
church document on creationism: “Assemblies of God believers hold
that the Genesis account should be taken literally.” ¹¹ 

But wait, there’s more. It’s not
just that faith should be trusted over science; rather, by Assemblies
of God’s Orwellian calculation, faith is science. “Even though
the Bible is not primarily a book of science,” the creationism position
paper states, “it is as trustworthy in the area of science as when
it speaks to any other subject.” ¹² 

And it further turns out the “science”
of the Bible is actually more sound than that other secular science
stuff!

The Bible record of creation thus
rules out the evolutionary philosophy which states that all forms of
life have come into being by gradual,
progressive evolution carried out by resident forces. It also rules
out any evolutionary origin for the human race, since
no theory of evolution, including theistic evolution, can explain
the origin of the male before the female, nor can it explain how a man
could evolve into a woman. [emphasis added]¹³ 

Well, I have to agree with Assemblies
of God on that one. Evolution indeed cannot explain why males originated
before women, or how a man could evolve into a woman” because these
two things DID NOT HAPPEN!!
The church’s basic logic on the origin of humanity is: Your facts
cannot account for the stuff we made up. Therefore, you”re wrong and
we”re right.   

Irrationality is plenty bad in its own
right. But attempting to impose that irrationality on society as a whole
is downright dangerous. It’s not just that Assemblies of God promotes
the doctrine that God created the earth in six days, or that man was
created from dust, or that woman was created from the rib of man. Rather,
the church says that to believe anything else threatens the foundations
of society: “We believe to remove God as the Source of creation is
to erode the basis for moral and ethical values,” the church states.
“For this reason a biblical account of creation must remain uncompromised.”
¹⁴

We must ask ourselves: If an institution
believes that opposing creationism undermines the core values of society,
what does that suggest in terms of what that institution-and the Evangelical
movement it is at the forefront of-would do to those who uphold
evolution?  

Furthermore, Assemblies of God’s position
that God created all life is intertwined with its virulent stance against
abortion. In short, church doctrine holds that because God created
people, all human beings and potential human beings
are ultimately God’s property.  Thus, in a position paper entitled,
“Sanctity of Human Life Including Abortion and Euthanasia”,
the church states:  

Creation in the divine image is not
only an expression of the incalculable value God places upon human life,
it also signifies that God has sovereign power over life.
He is both giver and sustainer of life;
He alone has the power to determine its beginning and ending.
[emphasis added]¹⁵ 

There you go; God alone has the power
to determine when life begins and ends, not the woman who actually carries
the potential for life within her womb.  

This passage brings into focus what should
already be obvious by analyzing the full scope of Evangelical politics,
including fanatical support for the slaughter of Afghanis and Iraqis
in the service of “Holy wars”: that the Christian fundamentalist
movement to ban abortion has absolutely nothing to do with concern for
human life, and everything to do with the demand that human beings submit
entirely to God and to religious authorities.  

As it is phrased in one passage from
the position paper: “Every human life is to be lived in obedience
to God and His word.” ¹⁶ 

In fact, Assemblies of God posits abortion
as human meddling with a divine plan. According to the church, “God
is active in the creative process of forming new life,” and “God
has plans for the unborn child.  Therefore, it only follows that,
“When people reject God, eventually they cheapen human life and make
it relative.” ¹⁷ 

How presumptuous of women, then, to interfere
with God’s plan for their bodies! 

Sarah, are you with me? “It
was so cool growing up in this church. And getting saved here.”  

Social Life
According to Assemblies of God  

Assemblies of God believes dancing
is a sin. I’m not kidding. 

“The Assemblies of God has historically
opposed social dancing because it can potentially lead innocent people
into temptation and sin,”¹⁸ states a church document on
the topic.  

Specifically, the church cites “The
music, the immoral lyrics, the dim lighting, [and] the immodest attire
of some who attend” as reasons Christians must refuse to dance.
¹⁹ 

How about flirtation or casual dating?
Sin and sin.   One Assemblies of God document contains a heading
entitled “God’s Purpose for Sex.”   If that concept
itself is not enough to send chills up one’s spine, consider this
passage:  

According to the Bible’s explicit
or implied teachings there are no reasons or circumstances to justify
sexual intercourse outside marriage (either previous to or during the
marriage covenant). Therefore, any
behavior that causes one to be tempted, or moves one in that direction
is unacceptable in God’s eyes and should be avoided.
²⁰ 

So what might constitute such dangerous
behavior?  

The Assemblies of God calls youth
and singles to refrain from all forms of sexual intimacy until marriage.
Such actions would include prolonged sessions of kissing,
words of unique expression, actions of intimate caressing,
and partial or total nudity. Christian youth and singles must also avoid
immodest dress, sexually explicit conversation, and sexually suggestive
forms of media and etntertainment as all model expressions that are
sinful. [emphasis added]²¹ 

So it’s not only sex before marriage
that is a sin, according to Assemblies of God. Any physical intimacy
whatsoever-and even “words of unique expression,” whatever the
hell that means-is a sin.  

At this point, we could probably guess
what Assemblies of God has to say about alcohol. Now, certainly it is
fair to say that frequent alcohol consumption does pose physical and
mental health risks. But Assemblies of God holds that any consumption
of alcohol at all is not only unhealthy, or unwise, but a sin:
“The Christian who advocates or condones “drinking in moderation”
is providing Satan an opening he would not have with an individual committed
to total abstinence,” ²²according to the church’s position
paper on alcohol. 

So, next time the weekend rolls around,
just remember: If you go out dancing with friends, you have sinned.
If you speak to a man or woman in a manner that suggests you might find
them attractive, you have sinned. If you dine out at a restaurant and
have a glass of wine, you have sinned. 

Sarah,
can I get an amen? “It was so cool growing up in this church.
And getting saved here.”  

Who’s Afraid of Monsters?  

When a small child sees a monster, it’s
called a bad dream. When a grown adult sees a monster, it’s called
insanity.  When tens of millions of grown adults see monsters,
it’s called Assemblies of God. 

Yes, Assemblies of God believes that
a monster in hell called “Satan” is exercising his will through
monsters on earth called demons. “Satan is a created being, a finite
spirit, and is not omnipresent”, according to the church’s position
paper on demon possession. “He does most of his work through demons
scattered in various parts of the world.” ²³  

Once we process the belief that Satan
“does most of his work through demons scattered in various parts of
the world,” it is not hard to envision how Evangelicals could frame
the U.S. military’s assaults on Iraq and Afghanistan as “holy wars”;
how Sarah Palin prays for these wars to unfold according to “God’s
plan”; or how Christian fundamentalists can at one and the same time
speak of the “sanctity of life” and yet cheerlead the massacre of
millions of innocents. Through the lens of this kind of worldview, Iraqis
and Afghanis are not people at all, they are demons-agents of Satan-who
stand in the way of the Christian fulfillment of God’s plan. 
It then becomes not only acceptable, but necessary, to kill these Iraqis
and Afghanis” and Pakistanis”.and Iranians”. And Lord only knows
who else:

What the Bible does show is that Satan
and his cohorts are external foes. We are in a warfare against Satan’s
forces and they are looking for opportunities to attack us. (See Ephesians
6:12). The biblical emphasis is on what we must face in the very atmosphere
around us. The call is never for us to get someone to cast the demons
out of us. They are out there attacking us, testing us, not possessing
us. The call is to be vigilant and to put or armor on and take our stand.
²⁴ 

In fact, in one of his sermons, Ed Kalnins,
the senior pastor of Wasilla Assemblies of God, explicitly stated the
connection he sees between the Christian battle against demons and the
U.S. wars in the Middle East:  

What you see in Iraq, basically, is
a manifestation of what’s going on in this unseen world called the spirit
world. … We need to think like Jesus thinks. We are in a time and
a season of war, and we need to think like that. We need to develop
that instinct. ²⁵ 

Sarah, let me hear it one more time!
“It was so cool growing up in this church. And getting saved
here.”  

How Did We Get To This Point? 

When John McCain announced his vice-presidential
candidate at the end of August, many people wondered: Who is Sarah Palin,
and where did she come from?  

What is written above hopefully goes
a long way towards answering that question. Palin comes from-and remains
intimately connected with- a church which preaches that homosexuality,
dancing, and flirting are sins that threaten the foundations of society;
that any belief other than the creation story of Genesis undermines
social and moral values; that women’s bodies are the property of God,
making abortion a sin; that gay people, persons who have sex before
marriage, persons who use drugs, persons who lie, and all those who
do not believe in Christ will suffer forever in an eternal lake of fire,
weeping and gnashing their teeth;  and that Satan has infested
people throughout the world with demons which Christians must extinguish
through force.  

Upon encountering these sorts of revelations
(pardon the term), many progressives will undoubtedly be terrified.
And they should be.  And many progressives, even those who have
grown increasingly disgusted with Obama and Biden over the past few
months, may conclude that Palin is so dangerous and so crazy that they
are compelled to throw their full support behind the Democrats.  

But that would be the completely wrong
conclusion to draw. Sarah Palin is not a reason to vote for the Democrats.
She is, in fact, a further indictment of the Democrats.  

During the past few decades, the supposed
“opposition party” has been preaching common ground with Christian
fascists, while what they have actually been doing is giving
ground:  Think “safe, legal and rare.” Think Obama’s vice-presidential
candidate, Joe Biden, stating that he believes life begins at conception. 
Think 18 Senate Democrats blocking the filibuster of Samuel Alito’s
nomination. Think Obama and McCain holding their first joint event at
the church of powerful Christian Evangelical Rick Warren.  Think
the 2008 Democratic Convention, which was so littered with religious
events that the Associated Press ran the headline: “Democrats open
faith-filled convention with prayer.” ²⁶ 

It is largely because of this type of
willful, systematic surrender to Christian theocrats in the name of
common ground that we now find ourselves in a situation where-in 2008-
someone like Sarah Palin can even be a serious candidate for the vice-presidency.
In fact, following the discourse about faith and politics during the
past several months, I have been reminded of journalist Chris Hedges”
recollection of the words spoken to him by his professor at Harvard
Divinity School, Dr. James Luther Adams:  

He despaired of U.S. liberals, who,
he said, as in Nazi Germany, mouthed silly platitudes about dialogue
and inclusiveness that made them ineffectual and impotent. Liberals,
he said, did not understand the power and allure of evil or the cold
reality of how the world worked. The current hand-wringing by Democrats,
with many asking how they can reach out to a movement whose leaders
brand them “demonic” and “satanic,” would not have
surprised Adams.²⁷ 

Hedges spoke these words almost two years
ago, and they seem as true now as ever. Of course, it is not only that
the Democrats are allowing the advance of theocracy; in many ways, they
are actively contributing to that advance. Just to give one example,
Obama wants to expand Bush’s faith-based program.  

All of this demonstrates the utter bankruptcy
of electoral politics when it comes to stopping the Sarah Palins of
the world. The 2008 elections basically offer the people of this country
a choice between those who would implement theocracy (McCain/Palin)
and those who would allow it to be implemented (Obama/Biden), and these
elections further demand a popular mandate for one or the other. 

As is the case with elections more generally,
if we opt for the “lesser of two evils,” we will ensure that two
evils are the choices we continue to get.  

It is high time to resist both the greater
evil, and the lesser evil that enables it.